I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
