If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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