so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
