I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
