I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
