the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
