she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
