thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
