His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
