Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
