batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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