pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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