Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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