My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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