You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
