just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
