we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My breasts were aching with rage.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
