is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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