come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
