A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
