He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
