Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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