I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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