he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
