who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
