i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Randomize
