Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
