Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
