Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
