i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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