she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
