I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
