I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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