turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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