she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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