I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
