yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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