My hand turned me down
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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