The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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