i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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