D3 body, D1 cock
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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