I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
