do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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