My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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