I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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