she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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