when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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