you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
