Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
