do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
