my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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